Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
