Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
