the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
