the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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