life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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