He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
