Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
