Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
