Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
