Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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