happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
