cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
