i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
