Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
