I wish I could punch you in the face.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
