My room smells like vodka and shame
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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