I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
