But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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