No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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