even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
