Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
