everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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