By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
