I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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