I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
