that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
