Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
