This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
