North Korea, Best Korea!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
