Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
