fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
