I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
