It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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