You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
