best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Damn victory sex feels great
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
