Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
