I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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