I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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