Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
