that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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