Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
