hotel room ftw
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
