I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
