Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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