he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
