Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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