this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
