so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
