Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
