His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
