I love black thongs
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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